Our Fertility Journey
a long but must-read
The journey to baby Sawyerr started not too long after Tulashi and I decided we wanted to be in a committed relationship with one another. We met when we were both 38 so we knew we would be open to having a baby pretty early on in our relationship. We tried and didn’t have any luck naturally. My OBGYN always encouraged me to think about my fertility even before I met Tulashi and I just didn’t put a lot of thought into it until we started actually trying. My doctor immediately referred us to a fertility specialist (Reproductive Endocrinologist or RE is the fancy name for them). Prior to our consultation with the RE, Tulashi and I did blood work, a semen analysis and an Hysterosalpingogram (HSG) for me. The HSG experience wasn’t fun at all. During this procedure, dye is inserted into your uterus via a catheter and into your fallopian tubes all guided by ultrasound. They inject the dye and want to make sure your fallopian tubes are open and don’t have any blockages. This procedure was very uncomfortable for me but hey, I got through it and my results came back that my tubes were wide open and everything looked normal. Tulashi’s semen analysis came back normal as well.
I will say our first consultation at the first clinic we attended wasn’t a great experience. The doctor my OBGYN referred us to didn’t have any openings so we saw another doctor and he was awful to be honest. He didn’t seem to have the correct medical files for us and you could tell he hadn’t done much research into our background during the consultation. He made the mistake of telling me that it looked like one of my tubes was blocked, when he was in fact wrong. My tubes were wide open and the technician who performed the procedure confirmed that. He also kept referring to my body in an unflattering way by saying “I don’t like this tube, it’s not performing well”. Can you imagine how humbling going into a fertility clinic is to begin with? Then to have the doctor shame your body in any way is just unacceptable. Tulashi and I were both really nervous and overwhelmed with all of the information he gave us that day. He did explain our options and determined that IVF would be our best option given age and the fact that we wanted more than one child. I remember that car ride home that evening and there was a lot of silence. We really didn’t know how to process all of that information and I was feeling bad about my body but something told me that the doctor wasn’t correct about my tubes.
A few days later, I received the HSG results via email and the report said my tubes were normal which was different from what that doctor told me. I called his office and asked why there was a discrepancy between what he told me and this report. They didn’t have a good answer and just apologized. I knew from that point on that if we did move forward with IVF, that doctor would NOT be our doctor. This was my first time advocating for myself in this journey and from that point on, I promised myself to not ever give up on my body and if something felt wrong, then I would do whatever it took to get the right answer.
Infertility treatment in the United States is super expensive. You are looking at a minimum of $10-$14k (or more) per cycle. We definitely took some time to absorb the information we received but we also took a few months to look at other clinics and doctors. After speaking to a few friends who had recently gone through IVF, we decided to move forward with a new clinic. Our first consultation with the new doctor went really well and I felt he had a better bedside manner. Our first round of IVF took place in April of 2021. Tulashi and I were both 41 years old at the time. I tried to prepare myself as much as possible by getting a fertility therapist and both Tulashi and I watched tons of Youtube videos on other people going through the experience themselves. I loved watching everyone’s stories. Not all of them had happy endings but that was also good for me to see so I could prepare myself. Our doctor suggested due to my age that we do genetic testing on our embryo’s to make sure we selected the strongest embryo to transfer. From that IVF cycle, we ended up with the following:
11 eggs retrieved
2 mature at retrieval
4 more matured in the lab the next day
5 eggs were fertilized making 5 embryos
We were thrilled at these results, especially for my age. Since we did genetic testing we had to push our embryos to the blastocyst stage which is about 5 days of growth in the lab. Only one of these embryos made it far enough to biopsy for the genetic testing and that embryo came back abnormal. We were devastated as we walked away with nothing even to transfer. I don’t think anything can prepare you for the ups and downs of IVF other than your own experience and maybe reading the experiences of others. I found myself in a really sad place and I just couldn’t seem to dig myself out of it. During this time I joined a few Facebook groups for the clinic we used as well as connected with women at other clinics. I did a ton of research and found that sometimes for older women, pushing an embryo to the blastocyst stage isn’t always a good option. I read tons of articles on the controversy about genetic testing and how the results can be incorrect and end up damaging what would have been a perfectly good embryo. Through prayer, therapy, energy healing and my own research, I got out of my slump and decided to make a plan for the next round.
During our recap with our doctor, he recommended additional medications the next time, supplements and dietary changes. This made me upset because I felt like he should have offered these suggestions from the beginning. Tulashi and I were also a bit disappointed with this but we decided to do one more round with this doctor before we moved on to another clinic. The researcher in me found another doctor in NYC who had a more holistic approach to IVF so we booked a consultation with him for early September. Our wedding was in August 2021 so the planning was a great distraction from IVF for a while. I wanted us to get back to regular life for a while. During our consultation with the new doctor, we discussed our past IVF experience with him and he recommended not testing our embryos this time since I don’t produce a lot of eggs. He also recommended that we try a fresh three day transfer and/or freeze our embryos on day three. He feels embryos do better in the body for older women so not pushing them so far in the lab may help our chances. He also counseled us on supplements, dietary changes and even prayed with us. We felt this was a good fit for us. I also spoke to a friend who used this clinic after several failed cycles locally so she spoke very highly of this clinic.
In October of 2021 we started our second round of IVF with the same clinic as our first round since it was local in Atlanta and we had already established a relationship there. We decided if this didn’t work, we would move on to the NYC clinic. To make a long story short, even though more supplements and medications were added this time there wasn’t a huge change. In fact, things were worse. One of the medications I was taking over-suppressed me so I didn’t produce large enough follicles to proceed with IVF. Our cycle was converted into intrauterine insemination (IUI). This experience was extremely disappointing but because I did the work to build my emotional support system, I was more prepared mentally. Overall, we ended up being disappointed with our experience at this clinic. We felt our doctor was too busy for us. From my very first baseline monitoring appointment to the second one, six days had gone by which is way too long. There could have been changes made to my medications had we come in sooner but by the second appointment it was almost too late. By the time we started our second round of IVF, Tulashi and I both turned 42. As a woman, once you hit age 40, your fertility can change drastically each month so time is really of the essence.
Tulashi and I decided to move forward with our plan to start IVF again with the doctor we found in NYC. While nothing is promised, we are still hopeful and are excited about a new approach.
I hope my story encourages you in some way mostly to keep going. My husband and I learned that with this process, you can’t really make plans and if you do, they have to be flexible. I also hope that our story encourages you to constantly advocate for yourself, especially as a woman or man of color. Throughout this journey, I documented both of our cycles on YouTube. I have met so many wonderful people as a result of creating my channel who are going through the same experience. We have to keep uplifting one another and breaking the silence on infertility. By sharing our testimony, we lighten the load we bear in this process. I have learned so much from other women going through the same experience and this has helped me tremendously in advocating for myself. We don’t have our baby yet but we know he/she is coming earth-side soon.
Blessings to all of you going through this experience. I pray you find peace and happiness in an uncertain time. If you need someone to talk to about infertility, feel free to shoot me a note. I look forward to hearing your story and providing any support you need.
